Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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