I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
