I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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