dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize