i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
