I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it was like eating out sand paper
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
