and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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