i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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