Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
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