Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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