If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
