Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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