My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
