Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
