covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize