I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
