Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
