The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
