i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
