R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
