he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
