oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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