Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
