Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
