This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize