Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
