I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
