Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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