Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
