So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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