Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
you never un-have a 4some
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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