im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
