Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
try to milk me bitch
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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