those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
