I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
