we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
