Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
