pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
