Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
