I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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