I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
