Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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