just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
