Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
