No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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