The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize