between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
