why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
