I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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