You're completely useless in the revolution.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize