I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
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