It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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