he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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