I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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