biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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