I'm gonna have a badass scar
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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