Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
