i just google imaged poop.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
