How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
