if you like me you must not know who I am
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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