were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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