Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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