why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
