Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
