Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
