Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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