I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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