I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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