i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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