Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
