Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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