this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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