Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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