Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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