I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Hippo gnu deer
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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