Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
