Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
