But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
