One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
