woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
