so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
