This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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