She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
